New things

Wow, I feel like I have grown so much spiritually over the past year. God has truly opened some doors for us and brought us to a whole new stage of life! I wish I had been recording more of my thoughts since last summer, but there is no time like the present to start over - right? Since Jason's baptism last summer, I feel like I have a completely different husband (different in a WONDERFUL way). He is absolutely on-fire for Christ and has been working at taking on some leadership roles in our church. I can not express how proud of him I am and how amazed I am to see the Holy Spirit working through him in such an awesome way!

We are now preparing for another trip to Mexico. I'm excited that Jason will get to go with me this year and that we will be able to share this experience. Like last year, I will try to share my spiritual journey on this blog as much as I can & will definitely blog every day that we are in Mexico.

On a different note, I was reading an article last night in Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Connection" magazine, entitled "Defining Your Life's Mission." It was such an interesting read that I actually sat down and began taking notes and writing down what I believe to be my personal "Life Mission Statement." I am vowing right now to act on this daily, to make it my everyday motto & to do my best to really LIVE IT! Here it is:

"As a child of God, created for His glory and pleasure, I will strive daily to become more like Christ in everything I do. Using every talent, trait and passion God has given me, I will not just learn to love others but make a daily commitment to act on all that I learn. I will love. I will serve. I will share, all so that my Creator will ultimately be glorified!"

I've definitely learned to "be careful what you pray for!" A while back, I pleaded with God to use me in any way He saw fit in order to reach people. Suddenly, my husband and I are fully involved in our church and we are beginning talks about leading a Bible Community in our home. I have found myself volunteering for, or at least agreeing to, things that are WAY out of my comfort zone! ME, the shy girl in the back row, is now beginning to see myself as a leader & willing to do whatever He asks of me. I've finally started saying YES, instead of "let me think about it." I'm blown away at His power to change people (especially me)!

What an awesome, awesome God He truly is!! I am so thankful that He stuck with me, even when I turned my back on Him. Looking forward to what HIS future holds for me...

Actions speak louder than words...

I didn't know that I would still be dwelling so much on my trip, but here I am again. During Jason's baptism yesterday, I realized something. I have dwelt so long on what my purpose is, as a Christian. I've always worried that I wasn't doing enough or that maybe I wasn't where God wanted me to be. I've worried so long about my desire to minister to people that I don't know that I have neglected the ones who are closest to me! My five year old is extremely intelligent and always has deep questions about and brilliant insights into the ways of God. I truly believe that he is on the brink of understanding salvation & what it means to be a Christian. He had his first piano recital yesterday afternoon and his MiMi gave him his first bible as a "congratulations" gift. He crawled up in bed with me last night with his new bible and just wanted me to read it to him. This morning, I sat on the couch to do my bible study and here he came, just a few steps behind with his own bible and said, "I want to do my bible study with you." I was shocked at first, then overcome with joy that my actions had been a witness to my own child! I've been so busy ministering to other people's children lately that I have not spent much time ministering to my own...thank goodness actions speak louder than words!!

Reflection

Romans 8:26-28
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit is able to understand and communicate my feelings that even I can not put into words. I haven't posted a blog since I returned from my trip simply because I haven't been able to put my thoughts into words. So many people have asked me if I had a good time, or if I enjoyed the trip and I have had difficulty explaining how I felt about it. Yes, I had a wonderful time, but not in the same way you would on a vacation. It wasn't "fun" in that way - yet, it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I enjoyed learning about a different culture. I was extremely humbled by what I saw, but truly appreciate the lessons that God has taught me through this trip. I definitely enjoyed sharing the word of God and the message of our salvation through Jesus Christ with the children of Acuna. Most of all, I enjoyed building on existing friendships and making new friends with people who I might not have ever met had it not been for this experience.

With that being said, I am still so saddened and deeply effected by some of the things I saw and heard about while in Mexico. I have yet to tell the story to anyone without shedding a tear or two. There is so much to do in that city - so many people that need help - so many that still need to be reached. The children in some of these neighborhoods - dirty, shoeless, and hungry - they are just as much God's children as my own little ones are, and they deserve the same chances in life that we have here. It just seems so unfair. All I have thought about since I've been home is when I can go back. I just want to help them in any way that I can. I just want to show them love and let them know that there is a Savior who loves them and will never leave them, no matter what their situation may be. I just want to be there.

My trip may be over, but I am still learning from my experience and growing each day as a Christian - a process that will hopefully never end in this lifetime. I am looking forward to many, many more mission opportunities like this one and can't wait to go back!

Day 4: Acuna

Today was our last session of Vacation Bible School, which went very well. I don't think that any of us were ready to leave, and it broke my heart that several of the children were crying that we had to go. I truly hope that I will get to see some of them again.

After saying our goodbyes, we had a chance to head over to the orphanage to see the work they had done. One of the women that was with us was an artist and had been painting a mural on the outside wall of the orphanage. It was really beautiful.

For lunch, the people of Templo Bautista Bethel had put together a wonderful meal for us. The food was so wonderful, I probably could have gone back for seconds...or even thirds!

I think we had our best group time tonight. Half of the group had already left for home, so there were only about 15 of us still there. We all just sat down around a table and had a discussion about our experiences. We each shared our favorite part of the trip or what we had learned and offered our prayers of thanksgiving for our experiences and hopes for those whose lives we had touched. It was filled with laughter and tears, but truly an amazing experience that I will never forget.

My favorite part of the trip was the lesson that God has taught me about my own selfishness. I will definitely return home with a whole new perspective on life & my part in it.

Day 3: Acuna

A new day, many new experiences. Today we got into Acuna and decided that we needed to pass out flyers and invite more children to our Vacation Bible School. I was lucky enough to get to go visit one of the public schools and once again God showed me just how blessed I am. We went inside the school yard to visit with the principal and ask if we could pass out flyers to the children as they were dismissed from school. I looked around and realized that the classrooms were all open-air buildings with no air conditioning, and no glass on the windows - they were just cinder-block buildings with bars where the windows would have been. There aren't enough schools for all of the children, so the younger ones go from 8am-12:45 and the older ones from 1:15pm to 6pm. I was so impressed at how well behaved the children were, despite all of the distractions.
After we finished the early VBS session, we boarded a bus and rode over to another area of town, where another part of our group was building a house for an extremely needy woman. As we pulled up to the job site, I couldn't help but gasp as I saw the house that the woman had been living in. It was literally made from a wooden frame and cardboard boxes for walls. This woman was a faithful Christian who has been very active in one of the churches in the area. When the new house started going up, many of the neighbors came by to ask the woman how she got these men to build her a new house. Her answer: I have been praying to God for a new house and these men are the answer to my prayer. What a testimony to her neighbors about how God answers our prayers!!

We then got back on the bus and took a 45 minute ride over to Rancho Cascado - a local swimming hole. I was not prepared for how beautiful this place was! There were huge rocks and waterfalls surrounded by beautiful trees. I'm usually terrified of water that is not chlorinated - I won't swim in beach or lake water - but I could not pass this opportunity up. It was just so beautiful!! I not only got in the water (and stayed in the water), but I got up the courage to jump off of the waterfalls, which were about 10-12 feet high. I was so surprised and proud of myself that I asked my friend Elaine to take pictures. This was definitely something I will never, ever forget!

At 3:30, we loaded back onto the buses and drove back to our host home. When we got there, there were 34 children waiting for us. Jose was already playing games with them and then had them sit down for a puppet show and then a bible story. His message was in Spanish and I only understood a little bit of it, but what I understood was beautiful. He was teaching about salvation in words they could understand and telling them that the Holy Spirit could help them to resist sin and to talk to their parents about Jesus. We then stood up and separated into two groups of girls and boys and then had prayer for each other. I was moved to tears and once again so thankful to be a part of all of this.
I am so amazed at how God is using this trip to touch my life and change my heart. I knew that this would definitely be a learning experience, but was not prepared for the work that would be done in my own life.

Mayra

I am so ashamed sometimes about my attitude. Today was yet another humbling experience for me as God pointed out my selfishness to me. There is an older girl that has come to our Vacation Bible School for the last two days. Her name is Mayra and she is about 13 years old. Unfortunately, there is a language barrier and I don't know her story, but she is extremely dirty, has worn the same t-shirt and sweatpants for two days and is very "clingy." What I have realized is that most of us (myself included) tend to walk away when she gets close - simply because she is just someone who is harder to love than the others.
Two of the ladies from Grace Community Church skipped out on our swimming excursion to go to Wal-Mart and buy Mayra some new clothes and a pair of shoes. They bought her some shorts and shirts, bras and panties and other little things that a young teenage girl might need. When I heard this - I was so disappointed and angry with myself for being so stupid and selfish. I had to stop and just ask for God to forgive me for not showing her the love she deserves. Why is it that I would think that I am any better than she is? I'm not. Just because my clothes are clean and I have all of the things I need doesn't make me a better person! What a spoiled brat I am.
I guess that something good has come out of this: I have learned that God created Mayra to be who she is, and she has her own purpose in His perfect plan. What would I learn from a mission trip if God only put sweet, adorable, lovable children in our path? Absolutely nothing that I couldn't learn at home. Coming here to Acuna and being exposed to children like Mayra has taught me that God has a purpose for everyone - not just those that I think are important. In fact, it's children like Mayra who need our love the most. If we don't share Jesus' love with them, who will?

Ephesians 4:1-3
"Walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Lord Jesus, please forgive me for being so selfish and self-serving, instead of loving the way you do. Thank you for changing my heart and my attitude and showing me how I need to be walking in your ways, not my own. Help me to humbly serve, yet boldly share the grace and love you have shown me; not only to these children, but to all that I come into contact with. Please continue to work in my heart and in my life, teaching me to be more like you and giving me the wisdom and courage to live it out.

Day 2: Acuna

Our day began EARLY this morning with little anxiety and much excitement to get to our ministry sites. We almost didn't get to cross into Acuna, because we got a cranky border agent who did not want to let us in! Fortunately, God handled the situation for us and the agent changed his mind. Some stayed at Templo Bautista Betel to paint and pour a concrete slab for an expansion to the church; others went into the quarry area on the outskirts of the city to set up a medical clinic so that Dr. Crim could see patients in this horribly impoverished area. Our group set up a Vacation Bible School at a home in the middle of town.

When we arrived at our host home, we immediately broke into groups and began passing out flyers to the families of the neighborhood. All but one person received us very well and thanked us for being there. We did have a little incident in my group where a lady did not want us there and she began to throw rocks at us and follow us around, trying to scare us away. Nobody was hurt and she was obviously unsuccessful in her attempts to scare us off!

At first, we were discouraged that only six children showed up to the first session of VBS, but God had it planned that way! Jose Esparza, our Hispanic Pastor at FBC, was supposed to read a Bible story to the children. Instead, he turned it into a Bible Study and lesson for all of the adults that were there (the parents of the children and us). It was a wonderful message about not being discouraged and how God always uses the environment you are in to teach you something. We were taught patience today.

When the afternoon session began, we had 25 children present & everything ran very smoothly.

These kids just want to be loved on - they don't care if you speak their language or not. Everyone understands a hug!! Our craft this afternoon was a paper cross with the "Roman road to salvation" verses on it (Rom. 3:23, 6:23, 10:13 & 5:8). About 6 of the children pulled one of our workers aside and wanted to know more - we were amazed at how receptive they were to the message of Christ. I definitely have high hopes for our next few days here!

After our craft, Jose led the children in several games during our recreation time. My favorite was the "Dumbo" game (as in, the elephant). We all laughed at our pastor pretending to be an elephant...the pictures are priceless!!

Today was amazing and I can't wait to get back over there tomorrow to visit with these children and just love on them some more!

Why Acuna??

I discovered tonight why our work is so important. One of the groups that is with us is working on an orphanage, trying to get it opened. We heard a story about a 4 year old little boy who lost both of his parents and was left to fend for himself on the street. Nobody knows why, but 7 men attacked this little boy and beat him to death in the streets of Acuna. This was a CHILD, Caleb's age, who could have been placed with a family who would have loved and cherished him had the facilities been available. Instead, he died scared and alone. My heart just broke when I heard this story, but it made me think - GOD HAS A PURPOSE for everything that we do in His name. Even the little things matter and are part of a bigger picture that we can not even fathom.
What a cruel world we live in that nobody cared enough to take this little angel off of the street and take care of him. This story just made it clear to me why we were in Acuna: to show Christ's love to this city through our actions and our work that we are doing here.

Day 1 - Travel from Beaumont to Del Rio

1 Peter 4:11
"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

Well, we started the trip off with a bang...literally! Just as we got into the Katy area, a rock flew through one of the front windows of the bus, shattering it and sending glass flying all the way to the back. We pulled into the Wal-mart at Katy Mills and the wonderful staff at the lube center vacuumed out the bus and helped us tape up the window.

We were finally back on the bus and had been driving for about 30 minutes when we suddenly heard another loud noise...the bus had a blow-out! Once again, we pulled over - only to find that we didn't have a spare! Again, the Lord took care of us and sent two sweet men from Munoz Road Service to switch the tire for us.

After about 5 more stops to fix the tape on the broken window, we finally made it to Del Rio around 7pm.
Most of us who braved the bus were complaining and whining about the heat and discomfort, but our pastor, Dr. Moody, made a wonderful point - he said that once we got into Acuna and saw the conditions that these people were living in, we would change our thoughts about our comfort. I was completely humbled.
This is my first mission experience. No matter how much I think i am prepared, I know that I will see and experience things that I could never imagine. In fact, I am praying that God will use this to humble my spirit and make me more appreciative of what I have.

Please continue to in prayer for our safety and that the Holy Spirit will work through us as we serve the people of Acuna over the next few days. Also, please pray that God will use this experience to change lives - not just those that we will serve, but ours as well.

Can't Sleep

I can't sleep tonight. I guess it's a mixture of nerves, excitement adn sadness that I'm leaving my boys for5 days. I miss them already!! We were in the car earlier and Connor just quietly said, "Mamma, I love you." Then Caleb added, "Yeah, I love you too...you're a good mom." Wow, those were exactly the words I needed to hear before I sent them away.
I know that I'm doing what God wants me to do and in the process setting an example for my boys - an example of doing God's work by serving others. I think that's why I've made it a point to record this entire experience - so that they can look back on it one day and see not only the blessings that will come with it, but also the sacrifices.
I had to go back and read my earlier blog on trust - just to remind myself that our lives are in His hands. I am really praying right now that God wil take this fear from me and give me peace and comfort, knowing that my babies are in good hands and will be safe and protected while I'm gone.
I'm also thinking about my grandmother, who is back in the hospital - praying that everything will be okay while I'm gone and that she will get to go home soon.
It's funny to me how I started all of this with such energy and excitement, but now I'm having second thoughts and doubts. I need to just let it go and give all of these feelings over to Him!! If this is truly His plan for me right now, then all will be fine - no matter what happens! I am so thankful thay my God is such a loving God -a protector, a Comforter, and a Calmer of all my fears who deserves all that I can possibly give Him!
Okay...I'm ready now!!

Ask and You Shall Receive!

He really does hear our prayers!!

Mark 11:22-25
"Have faith in God," Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, go throw yourself into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

What a lesson we have learned today! The air-conditioner in Jason's car went out a few days ago and he has been extremely irritable because of it. It just always seems like we get kicked when we are down! We barely have enough money to survive on day to day, and it was going to cost around $500 to get this fixed (or so we thought). Well, this morning Jason got into his car and decided to just turn the whole thing over to the Lord. He prayed, telling God that if this is what he wanted for us - we were okay with that.
While coming home for lunch today, Jason noticed that his turn signals were not working either - AHA...a fuse!! As soon as he got home, he looked in his owner's manual and, sure enough, the A/C and turn signals are on the same fuse...and there just "happened" to be a spare fuse in the box. You will never, ever convince me that this was NOT an answered prayer. Jason and I are fully convinced that God spoke to us today, reminding us to trust Him and not forget to ASK HIM when we reallly need something! He will always answer - maybe not in the way we expect, but he WILL answer!

Under Attack

Satan has definately been attacking those of us who are preparing for this trip. Personally, it has come in the form of extreme fatigue, a negative attitude and fear that we will not be able to do what we need to do.
I'm exhausted. I'm so exhausted and just completely depleted of energy that it has affected my relationships - not only my relationships with other people, but my relationship with the Lord. I've been so focused on my tasks and how badly I feel that I have become a bad mother, wife, daughter and friend.
Please continue to pray for all of us who are going on this trip. Pray that we will have the courage and wisdom to fight off these attacks. Pray that the Holy Spirit will wrap His arms around us in comfort and protection, and that He will instill in us a spirit of peace and rest. Just keep praying - PLEASE!

It is well...

It's funny how God can speak to us in the most obvious ways sometimes. I was sitting in my car, just after dropping the boys off at Mother's Day Out, trying to figure out how I was going to pay for the groceries that I needed for the rest of the week. Just as I started to feel sorry for myself and start the whiny complaining to God about how poor I am - Kara Clayton's voice came softly through my stereo, sweetly singing "It Is Well With My Soul."

I love that song - especially the line "whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul." What a beautiful reminder that, whatever our situation, God is in control and willing to carry us through these tough times. As long as I am allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me, then I am living the life that God has chosen for me. He WILL provide for me, He always does! All I need to do is relax and have peace in the knowledge that my life is in His hands.

-Money is over-rated anyway (big grin)! I have all I need in my beautiful Savior!!

Confession

I'm having a bit of a reality check right now and I feel like I need to have a little confession time. While I have been growing spiritually every day through this experience, I think I may have let pride take hold of me. I started out with pure intentions, then grew a bit "too big for my britches" as my mother would say. I have taken entirely too much credit for many of the insights I have blogged about and not given God the glory He deserves. I'm not perfect, in fact - I'm probably the farthest thing from it, but God is teaching me more and more each day how to walk in His ways. What is so wonderful, I think, is that He is bringing my sins to my attention and allowing me to suffer the consequences of my sin so that I learn from my mistakes! (yes, I just said "wonderful" and "suffer the consequences" in the same sentence)

My biggest problem right now is my struggle with pride - I want to feel proud about what "I" have learned and what "I" am doing by going on this trip. What I need to be doing is learning to serve with a humble heart - knowing that any good I do is not MY doing at all, but the Holy Spirit working through me. Anything I have learned so far in this journey is the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.

Satan is definitely trying to attack me right now and I need prayer that God will give me the wisdom and strength to fight him off. Please join me in praying that God will continue to change my heart and continue convicting me of my sins, so that I can learn from my mistakes and keep growing closer to Him.

I am so blessed to have Christian friends who love me, just as I am; friends that can gently remind me to stay focused and not allow selfish pride to take over. If you are reading this, thank you for being the kind of person I can share this with. I thank God every day for bringing people like you into my life!!

Running on Empty

"Although it may often feel like it, there is never a time when NOTHING is happening in your life. That's because whether you realize it or not, you are never standing still. You are either going forward or you're sliding back. You are either becoming more like Christ every day or you're becoming less like Him. There is no neutral position in the Lord."
-from Stormie Omartian's "The Power of a Praying Woman"

Why is it that I seem to be moving backward when I feel like I am doing so much? Over the last week or so, my life has just become so busy that I have pushed the most important thing to the bottom of my "to do" list - my time with the Lord. When times get tough (or just hectic), I switch into this instinctive "survival" mode - going through the motions of daily life like I'm on auto-pilot, but not really LIVING. So here it is, time to slow down and just -- breathe.

My Holy Spirit tank is definitely blinking "low fuel," and it's time to fill up! It's so easy to get on a spiritual high and then get burned out, because you have forgotten to KEEP calling on the Holy Spirit for daily guidance! God will not withhold His power in your life, but we can not forget to keep asking for it.

Ephesians 3:19-20
"and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us."

Stop trying to do this on your own - IT AIN'T WORKIN' FOR 'YA!! Turn it all over to Him and just let go - then stay in constant prayer, asking that the Holy Spirit continue filling you. Great things will happen!

Dear Lord - I'm tired of trying to do this on my own. Please forgive me for not trusting you and for not making our relationship my first priority. Thank you so much for these times of despair, where I learn to trust you again! Please Lord, send your Holy Spirit to fill me up again and to remind me everyday to keep asking for more. You are so, so good to me, Lord! Amen.